LOS ANGELES, Nov 5, (Agencies): As the first anniversary of his brother Aaron's tragic passing approaches, Nick Carter, a member of the Backstreet Boys and aged 43, continues to grapple with the profound loss. He admits that he finds it incredibly challenging to accept that Aaron is no longer with us. Sharing his thoughts on Aaron's sudden death on Nov 5, 2022, at the age of 34, Nick reveals, "It's still unbelievable to me. I'm still processing the entire situation and trying to find meaning in it—because it still eludes me."

However, Nick remains hopeful that with time, he can come to terms with the heart-wrenching loss. He adds, "But I'm hoping that one day I can make sense of it all."

Aaron's life was marred by struggles with substance abuse and mental health issues, and his tragic demise occurred when he was discovered lifeless in the bathtub of his California home. A subsequent report from the Los Angeles County Medical Examiner-Coroner revealed that Aaron had become "incapacitated while in the bathtub" due to inhaling difluoroethane and taking alprazolam, which tragically led to accidental drowning.

In addition to dealing with the loss of his brother, Nick expresses the pain of no longer being able to communicate with Aaron. He fondly remembers their ability to reconcile, regardless of the challenges they faced throughout their lives. "No matter what he and I had gone through in our lives, we always were able to make amends, always were able to get back to that place, and now I can't anymore, and it hurts," Nick explains.

During this period of grief, Nick has leaned heavily on his family for support, particularly his wife, Lauren Kitt Carter, and their three children—Odin, 7, Saoirse, 4, and Pearl, 2. He emphasizes the central role his children play in his life, stating, "My children are my everything. If I lost everything, if I wasn't a Backstreet Boys anymore, if I didn't have the opportunity to still perform for people and entertain them, as long as I still had my kids and still had my family, I'd be okay. All this external stuff doesn't matter to me."

Nick attributes a significant part of his healing to his dedication to being the best father he can be and immersing himself in the everyday routines of raising his children. "That's what I focus on," he explains. "Being present with my children, listening to them, attending parent-teacher conferences, driving them to school, taking them trick-or-treating during Halloweens."

In January, Nick paid a touching tribute to his late brother through a new song, "Hurts to Love You." The emotional track conveys his hopes that Aaron could have triumphed over his inner struggles, with lyrics such as "Always hoped your tomorrows/Would be better than the days before/I hoped you'd find your road to follow/To a place you were happy in this world."

In the wake of Aaron's passing, Nick posted a heartfelt message on Instagram, reiterating his unwavering love for his brother, despite their complex relationship. He wrote, "Even though my brother and I have had a complicated relationship, my love for him has never faded. I have always held on to the hope that he would somehow, someday want to walk a healthy path and eventually find the help that he so desperately needed."

Nick concludes by emphasizing the true adversaries in this heartbreaking story: addiction and mental illness. He states, "Sometimes we want to blame someone or something for a loss, but the truth is that addiction and mental illness are the real villains here."

In a 2023 Hulu documentary titled "Aaron Carter: The Little Prince of Pop," Nick's fellow Backstreet Boys band member, AJ McLean, recounts his efforts to help Aaron seek rehabilitation five years before his passing.

Aaron left behind a young son, Prince, who will be turning 2 on Nov 22.