Do we really act the same way in all situations?

One of the most ingrained beliefs people hold is that personality is constant and consistent; we anticipate that people will react the same way in every situation. We are quick to judge those who are loud in front of work colleagues, but subdued at family gatherings as being inconsistent, false, or even fake. But a growing body of research suggests this isn’t the case. Many psychologists now believe personality is not a fixed trait that we carry in the same way everywhere.

Instead, while people have certain relatively stable tendencies, they do not express themselves the same way in all settings. We could all have many different aspects of our personality that come out at different times. For example, we know that the employee who confidently leads meetings and speaks in front of large groups may have acted quite differently at their home gatherings over the weekend.

Similarly, the individual who is highly organized and disciplined at work yet struggles to maintain the same structure in personal life is probably quite different when they get home. These people are probably not false. We can all have different sides to our personalities that show up in different situations.

Researchers have called this the difference between traits and states. A person may tend to be extroverted yet be more reserved in a particular setting. Or they may generally be calm and composed yet become assertive when the situation calls for it. This understanding of the dynamic nature of personality undermines the idea that authenticity means acting in the same manner across different contexts. In fact, healthy adaptation is often a sign of emotional intelligence and social awareness.

Many of us are good at acting in a particular way at work, while being less open or outgoing in our personal time. Perhaps we need to be able to do the same when we are leading, for example, or giving advice. The ability to act a certain way at work or with other people may be helpful and effective.

So maybe, instead of questioning whether we’re acting like the same person all the time, we should wonder how true to our true selves our different sides are. Personality is something more flexible and varied than previously thought. And perhaps it’s something that allows us to better understand others and ourselves, to judge each other less and embrace more. After all, perhaps, not acting the same in all situations doesn’t make us fake. It makes us human.

Hala Al-Humaidhi