Another year gone ... What have I achieved?

Someone went on vacation all over the world. We take in their successes in seconds, then measure them against the struggles we know only too well. And their life looks special, whereas ours seems routine. But what qualifies as an achievement? Do you have to be able to capture it on camera, tweet it or put it on your resume? What about a year spent caring for a sick relative? Or someone who persisted despite setbacks, managed their finances better, or learned to be kinder to themselves? There are things you don’t get medals for but that alter your life. Things like learning not to over-promise, apologising, finally asking for help.

Those moments don’t usually make for great pictures, but that doesn’t mean they should count for less. Sometimes we’re being unfair to ourselves by comparing the present to plans that were made before we knew what the year held in store. We planned with the assumption that we’d have certain amounts of time, energy and freedom. Then life intervened, whether in the form of a death, a change in duties, or just unexpected things that demanded our attention. But still, we hold ourselves to the same standard as if nothing had happened. And that doesn’t mean we’re off the hook. There are times when we lose momentum. We’re distracted.

We’re scared to begin, because we’re waiting to feel inspired. Being honest about those decisions is useful if it leads to a reasonable revision of our goals. But being honest if it leads only to shame isn’t going to give us more hours in the day or a clearer path forward. So perhaps the best approach is to ask ourselves what achievements we have: What did I finish? What did I endure? What did I discover? The first will tell us what we actually accomplished. The second will remind us of our conditions. The third will help us understand what it was all about.

Maybe there are certain things we didn’t accomplish this year, and it turns out we didn’t really want them that badly, or at least, not more than we want what other people think we should want. It may also be helpful to write down some things you overlooked: that conversation you finally had, the good habit you returned to after you stopped doing it, a battle in which you fought for your rights, but gently.

You don’t need to convince yourself it was a great year to be grateful for your hard work. In the last few weeks of the year, it shouldn’t turn into a desperate sprint to finish things we didn’t manage to achieve. Find one big goal you really want and one small thing you can do regularly to move toward it. Organise your tasks, clear the desk of pending assignments, text a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while.

And allow yourself to rest. Next time you see those yearly achievement round-ups, don’t forget that everyone else is going through things, too. Cheer them on, then look back on your year in your own terms. And before writing it off as a total waste, ask yourself: What’s possible today because of what I picked up along the way? And what do I want to take with me into the new year?